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JUDGMENT DAY

As Graham Norton would say, it’s all SOOOOOO exciting! Naomi Campbell has walked victorious from the court with enough damages to buy half a Prada handbag, the Mirror has landed itself with a £200,000 advertising (sorry, legal) bill and the successful prosecution counsel, Keith Schilling, has set himself up for a nice little number as celebrity lawyer number one.

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RUTHLESS PEOPLE

The Academy Awards ceremony – an emotionally fraught, “and the winner is …” edge-of-your-seats spectacular – was once a genuinely innocent, onion-juice in the eye-liner number. Superficially it still is. Performers wear unusual dresses, some reveal more breast than is considered decorous by the press and the press print close-up pictures over four pages to prove it, winners evince shock, delight and surprise, and the saintly, warm smiles of the losers fail to disguise the bitter rank jealousy that they feel inside – so no change there.