Stuntwatch

Radio 4’s Today programme ran an interview with Geoff Capes during which the icon of the coronary classes put in a plea to save the British takeaway. But what’s this? Horror! It was a stunt!

England v Germany. The media is setting up an exciting array of pre-match excuses for England’s lousy performance, defeat and subsequent failure to qualify for the World Cup.

The story that they tried to hide has finally broken: Penelope Cruz is taking time off to relax after a number of films, and will be doing a course in photography. Cue one third of a page including photo in the Daily Express.

This week it was an aerial marriage with the vicar in one bi-plane, the couple in another and the best man in another. Meanwhile, the 75 guests on the ground listened to the vows over loudspeaker.