“Yesterday the Liberal Democrats cemented their reputation as a party struggling to be taken seriously after Lembit Opik, MP announced that he had split with his television weather forecaster fiancee and was dating one half of the kitsch pop duo the Cheeky Girls.” The Guardian, 18/12/06. The Borkowski poet in residence considers what Tony Blair…
The Bishop of Southwark faced his congregation recently sporting a black eye after admitting that he could not remember being “mugged” following a drinks reception at the Irish embassy. Witnesses, however, say he clambered into a stranger’s Mercedes and started throwing toys on to the road. When asked what he was doing by the car’s…
“Tony Blair yesterday became the first serving prime minister to be interviewed as part of a criminal investigation when Scotland Yard officers running the “cash for peerages” inquiry questioned him for two hours in Downing Street… They stressed they had not chosen the timing of the interview with Mr Blair, leaving No 10 open to…
“Just when we thought we’d waved goodbye to the denim-clad ghost of the 1990s boyband phenomenon, Take That have begun their second ascent to pop stardom… But comebacks are not always so smooth. Ask All Saints. Just a few weeks in, the reunion of the whinging foursome is already being talked about as a flop:…
Elton John has lost out on a part in the next Superman movie after being outbid at an auction. The singer’s offer of £40,000 was topped by British business tycoon Sir Philip Green – the owner of high-street fashion giant TopShop – who paid £50,000 for the cameo role for his wife Tina. The allure…
“In hell, nothing you have done will not be watched.” From Household Gods by Anne Stevenson. In hell, your every indiscretion will be picked over endlessly on freeze frame repeat and your life will be condensed into daily half hour slots of pain. In hell you will live forever and learn how to attract flies….
“The new Britney Spears soap opera, centered on her marital problems, seems to be holding its own against the real news agenda… such was the perfection of the strike against Spears’ wayward spouse Kevin Federline, it managed to generate ink even when the global news agenda had more momentous things to consider.” Mark Borkowski, Stuntwatch,…
As publishers, desperate to recreate the massive sales of Jordan’s volume of autobiography, continue to flood the market with poor-selling celebrity hagiographies, the Borkowski poet in residence tries to get inside the mind of the audience they seem to be targeting. All I want for Christmas is a book a book about the life of…
Ken Livingstone intends to charge 4×4 drivers £25 a day to drive through London if he is re-elected as mayor. The Borkowski poet in residence takes a wry look at the phenomenon of the 4×4. An Englishman’s car is his castle. His home’s just a place where he lives. He may be microwaving the candle…
Britney Spears’ estranged husband Kevin Federline is reportedly threatening to sell a homemade sex video of the pair unless he receives £16 million and custody of their children. Kevin has allegedly vowed to sell the explicit four-hour tape to a company who want to post it on the internet unless Britney agrees to his demands….