A meteoric descent

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Wolfgang Mayer, a German publicist who was a distant relative of the West German goal keeping ace, Sepp Mayer, came up with an excellent idea to promote a science fiction movie in the 1950’s. The name of the film is not known, it’s all a bit hazy as the publicity for it was actually bigger than the film itself!
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DON’T SCOFF AT THE HOFF

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The career resurrection of David Hasselhoff continues apace, with last Friday even being declared Hoff Day by Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles. The Borkowski poet in residence just had to join in with the celebrations… He’s a happy cheeseball icon, he’s a kosher brand of ham. He’ll keep you watching for ten minutes ‘til the swimsuit bit with Pam. He’s kitsch and rather charming in his dumb ironic way. His hair’s his personality. He’s hetero and he’s gay. He’s Germany’s pop saviour. He’s straight in at number three. He’s your latest chintzy ringtone. He’s Christmas tinsel on the tree. He’s…
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THE FORGIVING WORLD OF FASHION

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Kate Moss has just been signed up to design clothes for Topshop. Jane Shepherdson, brand director of the chain who turned it into one of the country’s top stores, promptly quit. Topshop has denied that the two events are related. The forgiving world of fashion pardons a multitude of sins. If there’s a pretty face involved it rolls over and it grins like a puppy caught in ecstasy, like a seal in the sun, ripe for some club-happy model to get another deal done. It matters little to the fashion world what misdemeanours were committed; it just gurgles joyfully if…
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When stunts go wrong

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I came across a media release that was issued today by the WBUJ (West Bengal Union of Journalists) who are demanding compensation for injured journalists. An “irresponsible act” leaves six journalists seriously injured in India. The International Federation of Journalists (IFJ) who represent more than 500,000 journalists in over 115 countries is shocked by reports that six journalists were seriously injured with one losing both eyes and another in a critical condition, after the police staged an “action replay” of diffusing mines planted by Maoist Terrorists in the early hours of September 21st at Lalgarth , West Bengal, India.
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GIVE ME WEB CAMERAS OR GIVE ME DEATH

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“David Cameron’s call yesterday for the Conservative party to build its foundations on the centre ground was badly jolted on the opening day of the Tory conference when he faced a growing grassroots revolt demanding tax cuts.” The Guardian, Monday, October 2 Give me web cameras or give me death give me a home in the centre ground give me a chance to connect with the world give me a chance to stick around give me optimism, give me no tax cuts yet give me a high five, give me space give me web cameras or give me death give…
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CHERIE BLAIR’S MANIFESTO

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Cherie Blair is alleged to have been overheard at yesterday’s Labour Party conference branding Gordon Brown a liar. “…Downing Street went into overdrive to deny that [she] had so contemptuously dismissed the chancellor. Ironically, Mr Brown had been using his speech to effect a public reconciliation with the prime minister, saying he regretted their differences.” The Guardian, Tuesday, September 26. So Brown wants to be leader? Well the silly old bleeder will have me to deal with as of now. He’s a bore and a cheat he can’t think on his feet – I know how to bring sweat to…
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IF BANKSY WERE PRIME MINISTER

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A conference season fantasy about the Bristolian graffiti artist from the Borkowski poet in residence, whose will to live has been worn to breaking point whilst watching the political shenanigans and posturing from Brighton and Manchester. If Banksy were Prime Minister and policy ran on stunts that were cleverer than baby kissing and opening up new fronts in an endless war on terror to keep the people afraid and only voting for the men who started the crusade the world would be a happier place, happier and more surreal. The proverbial elephant in the room would suddenly become real. Painted…
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SIR MING THE MERCIFUL

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“There is no single hurdle ahead for Sir Menzies to jump, just a long slog to clarify and refine what he is aiming for. Yesterday’s speech [at the Liberal Democrat conference] saw him move forward and he will be pleased enough with that.” Editorial, The Guardian, Friday, September 22nd 2006. Sir Ming the merciful, lord of some things he surveys has seen off Flash Charlie and his hard-drinking ways. He may have promised salvation with a quick cut in taxation but his legacy’s dampened by the heaps of faint praise. Sir Ming the merciful, the play-it-safe boss of New Liberal…
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Publicity and the art of lionisation

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To promote the Westbeau Ranch in Washington State in the 50’s, Jim Moran came up with an idea that thrilled newspaper readers and their families. Moran used a well known actress Lolly Allen (no relation to the stroppy young songstress Lily Allen!) to pose for photographs with Little Tyke, a tame lion.
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THE SCIENTOLOGIST MOUSE’S FIANCEE HAS SECOND THOUGHTS

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Katie Holmes is reportedly having doubts about marrying Tom Cruise. She allegedly told a visitor to the isolated Colorado retreat where she has been staying with Suri and Tom’s family: “I don’t have my own life any more. I’m not comfortable.” The excitement’s worn off and all through the house nothing is stirring, not even the scientologist mouse. The couch has stopped creaking, it’s not been jumped on in days and Suri’s stopped crying since her publicity blaze. “She takes after her father,” whispers Katie, quite glum, “but at least she only sucks her cute little thumb and makes the…
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The Texas Chainsaw miracle stunt

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Following Jim Moran’s success with the National West Virginia Axe Company, he was quickly employed a few months later by a little known Texas Saw Company. Moran employed oarsmen from two competing rowing teams who came all the way from Washington for a cleverly devised photo opportunity. Using huge saws from the saw company, the oarsmen sawed through massive tree trunks that had been felled earlier in the day in an attempt to show how sharp and easy to use the saws were, whilst also proving to be a great way to “work out” for the oarsmen.
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THE CELEBRITY DEATH REVENGE CLUB

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Steve Irwin fans have allegedly been have been killing stingrays in a series of revenge attacks for his death. This week we shall be taking revenge on baths for removing Jim Morrison from us in his prime we have the mallets and the sacks we’ll need it may be late in the day for such acts of vengeance but justice never sleeps. Last week it was trees and minis. We smashed them all, every single one that we could find and made sculptures commemorating Marc Bolan, all of them in the shape of dinosaurs – the biggest of all was…
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Why I love Banksy

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Why I love Banksy Banksy is a shining example to all PRs who understands that the media is his canvas to use as he sees fit to connect with a global audience. http://media.guardian.co.uk/marketingandpr/comment/0,,1873225,00.html
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Shaving with axes

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In 1955, Jim Moran devised a stunt to promote the National West Virginia Axe Company, founded over 50 years before, but struggling to maintain their profits in the axe saturated capital of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Moran commissioned a photographer to photograph numerous prisoners in a local jail, shaving with axes made by National West Virginia Axe Company.
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TOY BOY OR NOT TOY BOY

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Uma Thurman, 36, recently admitted she was on the look out for a toy boy and it seems 29-year-old Orlando Bloom could fit the bill. She said: “I know women who like to have ‘boy toys’ – and actually I could grow into that.” The Borkowski poet in residence imagines what might be going through her mind… Oh youth, yes youth, is still on my side but still, but still I can’t decide whether to be sober and down to earth with an older man or go for rebirth in the arms of a boy who’s many years younger Which…
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BOWING OUT

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A sullen and potentially unstable truce was struck yesterday between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown after the prime minister reluctantly bowed to the demands of the chancellor and rebel MPs by promising to step down within 12 months. “One way or another I’ll be gone within the year,” says Tony Blair adjusting hair and playing with his ear. “The party has stopped fighting – there is nothing left to fear. So look at all the shiny schools and the changes that I’ve wrought and please forget our sponsors and the lordships that they’ve bought and most of all forget about…
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SO LONG STEVE IRWIN

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‘Crocodile Hunter’ Steve Irwin has died. The wildlife presenter was filming a documentary off the coast of Australia earlier this week when a stingray attacked him, using its poisonous barb to pierce his chest. So long Steve Irwin, eco-Crocodile Dundee. You pursued savage beasts with irreverent glee. Badgered them, bothered them all through the wild – even taunted crocs with a chance to taste child. You were so long, Steve Irwin, in the television’s eye that no-one expected you’d be able to die in a manner ignominious and unsuitably swift. We were sure you had superpowers – wrestling crocs was…
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HEY YOU GET OFFA MY TANK

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Sir Mick Jagger forgot the words to classic Rolling Stones song ‘Ruby Tuesday’ during a concert last week. Mick covered up his memory loss by singing the same verse twice. He also has an oxygen tank backstage to help him get through his grueling live shows. Hey you get offa my tank. I need all that oxygen it’s my memory bank for when the words go away and all I can do is repeat the first verse in place of verse number two. Hey you get offa my tank. Can’t hit high notes without it and my mind goes as…
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