Whitney Houston’s sister-in-law, Tina Brown, recently claimed that Whitney is hooked on drugs and living in squalor. She said the singer spends days locked in her bedroom amid piles of garbage, taking drugs and using sex toys. She also released shocking photographs showing the star’s bathroom littered with drug paraphernalia, including a crack-smoking pipe and cocaine-covered spoons. Listen: the tabloids creak with betrayal as former friends suck money from your veins like leeches. Listen: the Hollywood hills are alive with the sound of money; the gossip orchestra is warming up. Listen: a camera shutter snaps in the bathroom like a…

Sharon Stone is telling randy teenagers to have oral sex instead of giving up their virginity. Hey kids, give blowjobs or learn to munch rug – offer your mouth to any under-sexed thug who demands satisfaction in the traditional way. It saves money on condoms and there’s no price to pay. Get down and dirty but still play it safe. Lick, flick and fondle but let no one chafe you into acts of abandon or carnal surrender. Come on kids be careful whatever your gender. A few years of foreplay will spread no disease but if you’re still randy and…

after To Whom it May Concern by Adrian Mitchell I was destroyed by the press again this morning couldn’t say if I was the reason for the nation yawning so coat my nose in cocaine tell me lies about falling in love. Woke up yet more famous and it hurts like hell knowing the price of a kiss is a story to sell so stuff my mouth with caviar coat my nose in cocaine tell me lies about falling in love. Every single time I break my vow of silence some bitter ex-lover accuses me of violence so chain my…

Tony Blair speaks to potential lenders Labour may have gathered as much as £10m in secret loans before the last election. I’m not saying that a loan will alone secure a place in the hallowed House of Lords, but as I said Your Grace (if I can address you thus now your cheque is in the bank); you are one of many people whom we’d really like to thank. It’s important this transaction stays quietly translucent as transparency at this moment would really be a nuisance. No one must know that Parliament is a house of credit cards at least…

after Rudyard Kipling Kate Moss has been shortlisted for the ‘Celebrity Mother of the Year’ award alongside celebrities such as Sharon Osbourne and Rod Stewart’s fiancée Penny Lancaster. Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, also made the list. If you can love your child when all about you are hating theirs and blaming it on Heat, if you can keep solvent when accountants admit defeat, keep up a trust fund and still compete; if you can take drugs and not become a druggie nor yet an alcoholic, and not deal in drugs, nor, being hated, let go of the baby’s buggy…

Californian state officials have given pop star Michael Jackson one more day to come up with back wages for more than 30 employees at his Neverland ranch. If he fails to pay today, he faces a lawsuit from the state. Spendthrift frenzy buys effortless charm as long as money flows and no one is harmed. It buys a world set aside from the norms of the day, buys a fantasy theme life where one isn’t afraid to immerse oneself wholly in myriad dreams. Enough money will paper right over the screams of the child locked inside the desperate star whose…