THE SCIENCE OF THROW INS

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The length of a throw in is a physicist’s dream. They see aerodynamics like a child views ice cream they love muscle arrangements and projection velocity and they make equations to express a player’s ferocity but kinetics, kinetics – it’s all in the throw in the instinctive angle when the ball is let go at the appropriate moment for optimum power to set up a goal and, later, the shower. You may see footballers as overpaid mules but you rest on your laurels if you take them for fools. They’ve moved the goalposts for science and the jumpers as well…
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The bald movie stars' forum

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Since Monday’s post on balding movie stars, I have received an email from Spencer Torvil, who has alerted me to a website – the bald movie stars forum. This website shows you how to read early indications of impending baldness by close observation of receding hairlines and scalp texture. Apparently the website was set up to dispel the myths about baldness and temper embarrassment for the afflicted. The publicist for the site actually called me to say that in this day and age, balding movie stars should act as role models for the young in our society who are prematurely…
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CHILDCARE FOR THE RICH AND FAMOUS

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Kevin Federline wants his children to work in fast food restaurants. The fledging rapper, who is expecting his second child with wife Britney Spears, said: “My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don’t have it easy with me. Period. My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit.” Meanwhile, Britney Spears has reportedly signed preliminary divorce papers. It’s certain that fame and money corrupt as nearly completely as power and that a famous man’s children left wholly unchecked will be first in the queue when the engines of greed…
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Syrup of Figs

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One of the greatest secrets of Hollywood was which actors and actresses wore wigs. Many Hollywood publicists held this information close to their chests, only to use the information later to get higher fees. But George Evans, Sinatra’s publicist would never even allude to such a thing for fear of ending up in the river. Going bald in Hollywood during the studio system was a sure way of losing your career, with the exception, of course, of Telly Savalas and Yul Brinner. But one budding young studio publicist called Stan Jones decided to endorse a men’s grooming product via his…
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The Yoghurt promotion fiasco

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While researching radio stunts recently, I was reminded of the famous marriage organised by BRMB in Birmingham where the station married off two complete strangers who were listeners of the show. Another good one was the dry ice stunt, where participants in an endurance test were encouraged to sit on dry ice for hours on end, resulting in a number of them getting frost bite. This affair culminated in a protracted legal dispute. However, nothing seems as ridiculous as the Yoghurt promotion fiasco, instigated by Nassau Radio in NY State. A young female bookkeeper claimed she lost her hair after…
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Why PR Doesn't Pay

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It was the stunt of the week – the unknown pop singer heading for the top of the charts thanks to webcasts from her basement flat. And it didn’t just make Sandi Thom an overnight sensation. It’s done wonders for the media profile of Quite Great, a PR company from Cambridge. http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/organgrinder/2006/06/why_pr_doesnt_pay.html
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The Bear Neccessities

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The last two blogs on the site have prompted a flurry of emails offering many examples of disaster stories involving animals and PR stunts. Jeremy Binns from Philadelphia recounted one of many stories he has surrounding ill fated stunts and publicists. His best story involved an Alaskan bear that was used in the 1950’s by a U.S. honey producer on a nationwide tour to big up the then defunct honey producer in Arkansas. Alas the bear escaped while touring and went on a trail of devastation before being shot with a tranquiliser dart. However, there was a happy to ending…
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PUBLIC EXPOSURE

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Cheap publicity solutions for aging celebrities George Michael believes his recent arrest was good for his career. He said: “In all honesty it does me good. I take crap for a couple of weeks but it promotes my new single. I hate to say it but it’s true. I don’t want to do regular promotion so it does me good.” A new single’s due out so here’s a free tip; to make sure it charts, go out and strip in public places where you know you’ll be caught. The best sort of PR is a lurid report. A quick public…
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Paul v Heather: the PR verdict

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Paul v Heather: the PR verdict Celebrities who benefit from the best PR know the secret lies in being represented by someone who’s as close to Fleet Street as to their clients. It’s been a big PR fortnight. http://media.guardian.co.uk/marketingandpr/comment/0,,1781951,00.html
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The Owl Service

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I got an email from a gentleman on the West Coast of the U.S. who recounted an interesting tale about a publicity stunt gone wrong. Vince Angelo, a well known off strip Las Vegas publicist was hired by the great Cecil Lester and his speciality owl act. The troupe of owls, who could howl famous tunes on demand, had gained great acclaim and had come to the attention of those in Sammy Davis Junior’s inner sanctum, who decided to book the act as a warm up for a forthcoming Davis Junior show. Determined that this would be his big break,…
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IN SEARCH OF THE SONS OF BARNUM

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From the outset, Marilyn Monroe had numerous press agents spinning her image. As a starlet, she was owned by 20th Century Fox who made up numerous stories, then Roy Craft who invented myths around her, long term manager Milton Greene, who got her the best deals and the svengali, Johnny Hyde, who built her up to be the star she was.
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CHEWING THE FAT

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Filming on the new Die Hard movie has been postponed because Bruce Willis is too fat. The actor admits he has put on weight since he first played cop John McClane 18 years ago and says he is frightened of embarrassing himself with a “flabby physique” on screen. Just make the movie, Bruce. Forget getting into shape. If your waistline is loose it will make each daring escape that much more of a joy. Throw your fat in the frying pan; in a fat world it’s a sure-fire ploy to win you countless new fans. Just make the movie, Bruce…
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IN SEARCH OF THE SONS OF BARNUM

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I received an email today which recounted a tale from Las Vegas in the 1960’s which demonstrates the flip side of PR stunts. Will Jones’s variety act, a troupe of amazing chimpanzees that played the pianoforte, were doing a support show in Las Vegas, off the strip, for a magician. Norman Berry decided to set up a publicity stunt to promote this show and thought it would be funny to let the chimpanzees loose in the lobby of a hotel.
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In search of the sons of barnum

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The 1960’s saw the dawn of the creative publicity campaign for television. The very best TV producers were alive to the concept of drumming up ideas to entice journalistic interest. Ever since the dawn of the TV age, the publicist Warren Cowan had cast his considerable professional shadow over the promotion of television. There was a growing recognition that this legendary movie publicist was now the doyen of publicity scams for TV clients. Cowan’s creative thinking that had originally been developed for the movie studios and their stars like Gary Cooper, Kirk Douglas, Audrey Hepburn, Joan Crawford and Mildred Pierce,…
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BIGGER THAN GOOGLE

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A study of Britain’s most loved and loathed brands has just come out, coinciding nicely with the latest round of Big Brother. The Borkowski poet in residence has taken this coincidence and run with it. I went on Big Brother to be famous and cool but found myself portrayed as a tedious fool who couldn’t tell elbow from pillow-like arse and whose brain was a bauble made out of glass. I should have known better – I’ve seen it before One is always portrayed as a vacuous whore or a bling-obsessed retard with no social graces. Any signs of intelligence,…
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A VERSE LETTER TO PETE DOHERTY

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Pete Doherty makes his fans tidy his house. The singer asks admirers who gather outside his London home if they would do odd jobs for him. The singer has said he always knew he wanted to be a star – because he was always attracted to excitement. When fame falls away and all that remains is addiction, depression and a mural of stains what better way to remodel your life and house than by getting a fan to become your spouse? You could start off quite slowly by inviting her in to clear away needles and bottles of gin. And…
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In search of the Sons of Barnum

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Much hype surrounds the launch of the ‘Da Vinci Code’ in Cannes, newspapers around the globe are filled with snaps of the cast pictured alongside a train. On Tuesday at Waterloo Terminal, the Eurostar high speed train was renamed The Da Vinci Code. The high speed beast of burden took stars and producers of the movie to the Cannes Film Festival for the premiere on Friday. It is reported that a total of two thousand festival cognoscenti, plus other assorted party animals and dead beat liggers will parade up the Croisette for the premiere.
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Heather McCartney

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after Eleanor Rigby by Lennon and McCartney Sir Paul McCartney has taken a break from wife Heather because she treats him like a “doormat”, it has been claimed. Last week, it was reported the pair had been staying apart. The Borkowski poet in residence apologises for his inability to sing… Ah, look at all the lovely people Ah, look at all the lovely people Heather McCartney models a face for the press that is masking a scream Lives in a dream Waits for her husband, waving aloft all her good work in charity’s name Plays a good game All the…
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IN SEARCH OF THE SONS OF BARNUM

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Many of the great Hollywood publicists had died by the 1970’s, so tracing their histories can often be fruitless. When information is available, it’s like gold dust as so many great careers have gone undocumented. But the career of Pete Smith, an original disciple of Harry Reichenbach, is not only fairly well documented, but also very different. Pete Schmidt , as he was born, (1892 – 1979) was the son of a Brewery cooper, who dropped out of school at 13 to begin a low paying job as a stenographer-typist.
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In search of the Sons of Barnum

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The practice of using new technology to create havoc is not new to the 21st century. Unscrupulous publicists hired companies to spike telegraph messages at the turn of the last century. Sophisticated equipment developed for espionage was made available to all those industries that might be able to afford them. Wire tapping was rife in the 1900, false telegrams were sent to newspapers in order to seed stories, or even throw clever journalists off the scent of scandals. A clever message sent to an agent might tip off, or even provoke panic, about possible blackmail plots. Publicists used this tactic…
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